Wednesday, December 8, 2010

We leave for our 10 day bush bush outreach on Sunday ☺ I have to admit that I am very excited to come home, see everyone I love and miss! A lot of people are leaving for home on this coming Saturday or Sunday and I will still have 2 weeks from now. God really spoke to me and comforted me! He showed me how to just be His little girl full of faith, with no pressure on myself! None of it is up to me anyways, its all Him and He is already pleased with me no matter what I do on outreach! That’s so amazing! His unconditional love for us as His beloved, as His children! God also keeps saying the word – power – I really feel He is going to use our team to pour His power through us and heal, set free, even raise the dead… which has happened over 200 times in Mozambique with Iris Ministries which is who I am here with ☺.

He wants romance, relationship, unity with us… He wants to be wanted! For us to be excited! Were created in His image, for His pleasure, were the answer to His loneliness, His needs. He wants us to delight in Him just as He delights in us! God showed me a really good example, I could relate to well… I know that Joshua loves it when I see him and I am so excited to see him! when I really want to be with him and he can tell, and I am excited when I can tell he is excited to see me and he really wants to spend time with me! God said that’s what He loves and wants from me! Wow ☺ that same kind of romantic excitement and willingness to show it! God wants us to publicly show how we feel about Him! our romance, our excitement… it’s a relationship – we abide in each other, delight in each other, one can ask and the other will do it because were in love… we are pleased with each other, unconditionally, deeply, radically in love! God doesn’t want to be used by us any more than we want to just be used by Him!!! it’s a relationship, its not about Him using us to do His good works, or us using Him to get what we want… a lot of times Jesus just wants us to be with Him… He says come away with me! Come away, take the time, to be with me alone, just love on each other… rest, refresh, renew, relax in romance with Him, in His great arms…
This school is such a great mix of learning, and serving, plus some really fun stuff! My house of girls (that’s 10 of us in the tiniest house you could imagine… yet we love each other like family now!) went snorkeling the other day and I couldn’t stop just saying – what the heck God! Why did you create these amazing beautiful colorful fish… this beauty is so extreme, extravagant… and he said, for you beloved… He did it all just for us, for our enjoyment He created all things! Wow! I kept thinking of finding nemo! There were so many amazing fishes and coral… just like on finding nemo! Plus I promise I saw marlin and he was in his coral like home yelling nooooo! Ha! I felt like a mirmade with my flippers on… just exploring these fishes homes and praising God for His beauty! My wonderful room mate that speaks Dutch, and English as a second language (this can be quite funny at times…) kept saying “its so beautiful down stairs” hahahaha I am not sure why I find that so so funny but I do! I think she meant down there, but her t’s sound more like d’s usually anyways… hahaha! I’ve decided it would be really cool to be black… I am not sure why it just hit me one night looking at my room mates awesome skin and I was like I wanna be black! She laughed very hard… this is my random section so sorry if its too disorganized and you don’t understand me!

On Fridays we have practical missions and I got assigned painting murals on the walls of what they call the “bibliotecha” which is a large room used for the little kids school during the day and in the afternoons it will be a study hall type room for the older kids. That has been quite the challenging project seeing as were in Africa and supplies are hard to come by, and when you do finally get them, they are extremely hard to work with… plus insane heat to work in! but we finally got it done and I am so glad God gave us the strength, grace and efficiency to get it done! It really looks beautiful and we got to leave something good for the kids and people here! The long term missionaries kept thanking us over and over… other people have attempted to paint in there and left it unfinished, so we had to re-do their work and start over! I will put a picture of one of the walls on here sometime soon :)
Another fun thing I have gotten to do is play soccer with the kids here! Gah its hot! And those kids are so so good! And I am so not… I played in honor of my man Joshua who is extremely good! And his soccer team at King College, all amazing guys and great players! Who I know are taking care of Joshua while I ran off to Africa for 3 months! He is in good hands – shout out to James, Colby, Jessie Danny, Ritchie, John and all the rest I know are taking care of him! I appreciate that so much! Sad James wont be playing next year :( God bless you James, I'll be praying for your next steps!
Every night as I crawl into my stinking hot bed and tuck in my horrid blue out to kill me mosquito net I express my true feelings and tell it how much I hate it… every night! Ugh I will not miss that thing!
Last night with all my house mates we had our last house night together and I discovered how they all see me! Hahahaha I got a great impression of how I walk to the bathroom every morning… sort of a lazy waddle walk I had no idea I do ☺ I also laugh in my sleep and talk quite often… when they first saw me they basically thought I would be a diva! Ha so funny! I cant help that my hair is blonde! I don’t make it that way… ha but they said they quickly realized that I was not too girly to survive in Africa for 3 months, seeing as I don’t wash my hair for days and some of them shower every morning still even though were in Africa! Haha so great to hear what people think about you and their first impressions are… God really teaches us all not to judge and then later we can really speak into each others lives once you get to know each other deeply and God shows you more and more about them! And its really fun to encourage each other and speak into each others lives prophetically as God shows you!
I am excited to come home in 2 weeks and see everybody!

Friday, December 3, 2010

randomness..... thats Africa for you though!

You can not serve two masters, can not love both God and money, can not be friends with the world and belong to God… these verses are hard to swallow sometimes… they seem confusing, also a hard verse – if you do not hate your family and even your own self, you are not worth of being my disciple. These verses about hating the world and everything in it, and dieing to yourself can be difficult to grasp! Bottom line for me – is that if I love Jesus rightly, nothing else will even come close. I will lose desire for the things of the world, as I become closer to my God and see that its not worth it to pollute myself with anything else! A speaker here put it well, talking about the pipes of our lives – like the pipes of their toilet, if his son Joshua put sponge bob down the toilet (so he can go back to the ocean where he belongs) the pipes will eventually back up and nothing will flow through. They were clogged up with the wrong stuff, and it piles up so that God cant get through! I have experienced that when I am not pure with God I cant be as close to Him. All we have to do is ask Him to show us what it is between us and get rid of it, ask His forgiveness and step back close to Him, it was me who stepped back in the first place… okay I learned about this some the other night – I skyped with my family who I miss insanely right now – and when I got off I was pretty sad, I began to cry out to God, why so I feel like this?! I miss them so bad God, why am I here so far away… I almost began to blame Him for the way I was feeling… that this was obviously bad and miserable and He had told me to do it! Then when I woke up the next morning I felt different than I have most mornings here, but similar to the way I have woke up back home. I felt very empty and farther away from God than I usually do, void, alone and I didn’t know why! I cried out for God to come close and asked why He was farther away… I couldn’t feel His presence the way I have lately. And I don’t ever want to go back, I never want to be without His presence. So I kept seeking His answer, and He showed me that He was still right there waiting for me. That when I let my emotions get the best of me, and I took my life/feelings into my own hands instead of trusting Him! I wasn’t believing in His faithfulness, that He is good, and that His plan is for my best! That doubt, that I justified in my mind, was what came between us, it was my step back from God… and as soon as I let Him show me what it was and asked for His forgiveness, I had stepped back close! I know that its good to miss those I love, and that God has blessed me with! But if I let my emotions take over instead of trusting God, that’s when I have stepped back! Amazing how God is faithful to show us and be there so close, anticipating our return! He wants us to just chose Him all the time! To understand good from evil and cling to the good, hating all that’s evil (evil referring to anything not of God – music, movies, emotions and feelings towards others, anger, jealoucy, hatred……), because its not worth it, to be further from God! I value intimacy with God above all else! That hunger, desperation for intimacy with God is what brings break through in our lives! Just look to Him, chose Him throwing away all else! We have to forsake the world and all that is in it, to truly see God, the pure in heart see God and its not that easy to be pure in this world, in this life, and probably especially in our time!
Narrow and wide gates, simple, 100% kind of decision.
It can be really hard some days to figure out exactly how to handle the kids here! There is a huge begging spirit here in them because they think it works… they have learned that when they beg people eventually give in… this makes it hard to make friends with them when they are constantly asking for things and that seems to be the basis of whether or not they like you! If you give them something that day - your friends, if you don’t they don’t like you anymore! I have had to learn to treat them as my own! If you treat them as your own child, you want to do whats best for them! Even when they don’t like it… eventually they learn to respect this! It has been really fun to see some of the kids really learn to have a true friendship because I loved them they way God tells me to – Matthew 12:11 – 12 talks about how Jesus reguarded the lost like His own sheep fallen in a hole… we should see the lost the same way! As our Fathers lost loved ones He longs for us to love and bring back to Him! One boy named Tiebu is amazingly sweet and has the best smile I have seen since I got here! He tried to ask for things at first, now he is my friend! One day when his brother was particularly begging me at a little store here I was getting a little irritated and kept telling him to stop! I kept trying to teach him how to be friends and why not to beg… but I have a feeling his understanding of English didn’t quite go that far! Then I hear Tiebu saying “Annah, Annah” because they cant really say Hannah here, and I looked at him with his huge smile and he said “smilie Annah!, why you not smilie?” ha ha I had forgotten to smile because I was irritated and Tiebu knows that I am usually smiling! Ha it made me laugh really hard and God was able to speak to me through that and lighten me up! Ha the picture at the bottom is Tiebu!
We have so much to offer those who are lost, even if it feels awkward because they don’t want it at first, we have to look into eternity (value the next life more than this one) and see that honestly the truth is, if they don’t find their Father in heaven, they will spend eternity in hell! If we do not tell them because we are embarrassed or afraid of what they might say or think, we are keeping truth/treasure/eternity from them! Wow! And keeping our Daddy’s loves ones away from Him! there is also a great verse in - - about how all we work for in this life will eventually be put to the test of fire, and all that was not work for our God, all that He asks us to – serving others, the poor, telling the lost about our Daddy God, encouraging others, etc. all else, that we do for the world, pleasures… will burn up in that fire! I love this verse, because it scares me! Will my “works” stand through the fire? Or will I “barely escape through the flames” as all my earthly works burn up because essentially they were selfish…
God says simply to remember – I read Proverbs 3 today (because it’s the 3rd ☺) and it started out with “do not forget” His teaching… He spoke to me about this! He truly wants us to remember, every moment about Him, all He has said and done… the most dangerous thing we can do is forget our beloved Jesus! Wow… also in 1 Ch. 16:12, Ecc. 12:1, 1 Cor. 11:24, John 14:26, and He tells us not to forget in Dt. 6:12 and Psalms 103:2 says not to forget the benefits of the Lord! Keep dwelling on the Lord, His words He speaks to you personally and in His word, keep them close to your heart as you constantly praise Him and do not forget!

Fun bits about living in Mozambique…

My definition of dirty has changed, as I notice I am “washing” less and less clothes each week… I usually walk away from the clothes line thinking, maybe they will stink a little less… but they are so so NOT clean!
I am really bad at wearing dresses/skirts and for sure capulanas – (basically wrapping fabric around you…) never have been but this whole not showing my knees thing is really tough for me, I forget all the time! And accidentally “flash” my knees ;) ha
10 girls and 2 tiney tiney “bathrooms” 1 mirror, 1 toilet that flushes (even then you usually need to go out and find a “poo stick” to push the crap down the toilet with), and 1 shower that had a spray head… nough said
sweating to sleep… no electricity a lot of nights so not even a fan to help!
painting the bibliotecha sweating more than I though humanly possible… even when I would go running for 5 miles or so, I am sweating more now just painting or cleaning the house…
apparently I laugh in my sleep a lot… and talk, maybe prophesying according to the word I received last week.
I am sick and tired of rice and beans…
I have a hate, hate mosquito nets!!!!!!
The showers aren’t cold enough!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus :)

God never let it get mundane! Never let us get used to loving the one in front of us, listening, giving hugs to the unlovable that just might change their lives, sharing the love of Jesus, stopping for the one God tells me to! Never let me forget, get used to the power of this, or get busy, caught up in my own world and not obey You Lord! Never let us get used to Your presence so that we don’t get excited about it anymore! So that we think we already found all there is, there is always so much more in You for us if we seek you hard! If we are hungry You will feed us more and more! Let us stay hungry for You God! “Poor in spirit” that’s how we see God – Matthew 5:3 – when we are desperate for God, like the poor are for food, water, clothing… that’s when He comes through for us in miraculous ways! He needs to see us depend on Him, trusting Him fully! This is scary, it takes risk! We have to have no back up plan, God I will fail if You don’t show up! That’s when He does the stuff, the amazing beautiful stuff! Not when we don’t really need Him (so we think) because we have a plan, we have all we need, we didn’t want to risk depending on Him just in case He didn’t show up! No, comes and multiplies food, when we would go hungry if He didn’t! His presence is thick and moves us when we are desperate and cry out for Him, because we just love and want Him so bad!
We just have to remember that the whole world is the “mission field” and as long as I live the way Jesus lived, as a missionary to earth, from our Daddy in heaven, we will live in His will!
EVERYWHERE I go, Jesus says it doesn’t matter where I go, just that I stay intimate with Him and listen to His voice… that I take Him into the darkness and His light shines! Wow

One thing I learned this week is about being sure not to ever take offense at others… And also never take offense at God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. I know a lot of things are controversial, but whatever you allow to offend you, has separated you from God. Offense comes between us and our close relationship we were intended to have with our God! The Holy Spirit is so real, and it can easily be found offensive to many. Jesus offended many while He walked on earth! In Matthew 11:6 Jesus tells the people blessed are those who does not fall away on account of me, or is not offended by me. Wow! That is powerful! Many people offend us, and even when they are wrong, if you let the offense stay in your heart, it distances you from your heavenly Father! I have been praying away all of my offenses! I do not want anything between me and my God! I want to be as close as I possibly can to Him at all times! There are a lot of strange things that happen when the Holy Spirit shows up, I have simply talked to my Jesus about this and He told me to basically just focus on Him and be open to whatever He wants to do in me! So through doing that I have released all judgment on others, all distractions are gone and I have experienced way more of Gods love and the Holy Spirits power! Just realize that God deals with us all in different ways, and He is very clear that we do not judge others, that is His job alone! We don’t know what any other person is going through, what they have come out of, what they need from God…. We have no idea! And God doesn’t work in normal ways… sorry, His ways are not our ways, they are way higher, and we wont understand them fully! Jesus offended often and so does the Holy Spirit, I personally don’t want to miss out on account of my being offended so I am releasing my offences, judgments and all else that is not of heaven! Most offense is from misunderstanding, fear of the unknown, language, culture, pride, self-righteousness… and much more, so they are simply another stumbling block from the devil himself, and we need to bind those and send them back to hell where they came from! Yay! Offense is selfish – keeps us from intimacy with our creator, lover of our souls, Daddy God!!!

My house mates and I went to get some food at the “Chicken Shack” or the “Cutchu Curo” which is what the Mozambicans calls it which means thank you. It is a close place that you can get a clod drink and something that resembles fries ☺ I don’t go there much because of money but I was there with my friends one day and 2 little girls were there watching us. They looked so pitiful and sad… they looked so hungry! I posted before about soft and hardened hearts of those who have been placed in this culture for 3 months. I have prayed for a soft heart! I was trying to decide if I was going to give them my food, or buy them something… when one of the other girls asked if they were supposed to be in there, and what are we gonna do when our food comes?! I began to speak up when one of my other friends said we should get them some biscuits (which to every other country apparently means cookies, that aren’t that sweet…) so we took the two girls and got them sodas and cookies, I sat with them on the floor and watched their faces light up…. The dramatic difference was insane! They were so genuinely pitiful before and then they were so happy, their countenance was lifted, which if anyone really knows me they know I am pretty grumpy when I am hungry… so I completely understand and relate to these girls! They were so sweet, the began feeding me their precious biscuits! Wanting to give to me, after I had given to them! So sweet! I could have adopted them both… I wish! And they laughed and played with me on the floor… I loved not being afraid of doing that! I am not sure why so many of us are, and why I myself have been at some points… I guess we see this strange picture of all the kids swarming and trampling us if we offer to help one… ha and we do have to be wise about it, but don’t let your hearts get hardened! Same with the poor in Nashville and everywhere else! Don’t harden your hearts… buy them food, talk to them! Listen! Pray for them, and hug them with Jesus love pouring through you… I was more blessed by those two little girls than I ever have been by food, or by being safe by not helping someone…. I felt God moving in our time together and there is nothing better than that! Here’s a couple pictures of these girls!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Pure hearts God!

The pure in heart see God! Wow what a promise! Try it – for 4 or 5 weeks, until I get back maybe ☺ only listen to Christian and worship music (try to fins Cory Asbury’s – do you know the way you move me song!)! Read books about God and His works, His character (compelled by love – Heidi Baker, when heaven invades earth – Bill Johnson, Radical, love has a face…). Only movies focusing on God and His ways and works… (Finger of God, Furious love, anything you can find about missions work and/or the Holy Spirit moving!!). You will feel so clean and pure! You’ll begin to see God more! Its amazing… meditate on His words – both scripture and what He says to you! Let prophetic words encourage you, increase your faith, claim the heritage that is truly yours, the promises of God all through out the Bible! Be who you really are! Know who you are in God and take hold of that! Don’t believe the lies of satin that your not a daughter of the most high God, the King of all the earth, that Jesus is your lover and adores you! That He delights in you and longs to spend more time with you, that even with your little messed up life (that’s how I feel sometimes) He wants all of it and treasures it, knows He can do so much more with it than we could ever think possible! If you give it to Him, He will surprise you! And its amazing and beautiful when your surprised by God!
What you put in is truly what you become….

There are many different trains of thought, or theories when it comes to deciding how to treat the children here and people. Some say things like “don’t teach them that if they follow ‘acunyas’ or white people, that they will get something.” which has its truths. We do not want to create a begging spirit in the children here – often I give things to the ones who do not ask so that it really is a gift, and I don’t let them just take my stuff… if you don’t have enough and you give to one or two yes, you might draw a crowd, you might start a riot… you don’t want to build a relationship on them asking you for stuff or asking you to buy them things or for $ and you giving it… this is not a relationship, but us being used ha that’s us being stupid. Today many of these thoughts came up as we slowly got more and more of the village kids following us as we went to get cheap ice cream – a very special treat we never have! Some said not to buy it for them, because it was teaching them to beg or take advantage of us… but myself and one other felt a lot of compassion for these children! We can not harden our hearts to those brothers and sisters of ours… Gods beloved children who are in poverty! They probably never get a treat like that, not often at least, it didn’t cost much, there were about 10 kids, and we knew them well, had relationships with most of them already! It gave me so much joy to hear Obregado Hannah! From those smiling faces! To play and dance with them and eat a tiny ice cream cone with them! ☺
The boys call me sister and I love that! I love being their sisters in the Lord and having so many “brothers”.

To live a life… that is not “normal”, that isn’t the same thing everybody else does, wants, thinks is best is all I want! I do not know exactly what that means for my life yet, and I see my life coming in different seasons of different things! God is showing me more and more of His heart for my life, the passions, desires He has placed in me for a purpose and some of the things I will do in my life! Why does everyone want a normal successful life? Why do they think its best? I once heard an awesome quote that said something like - if you find yourself in agreement with the majority then its time to check yourself… - I agree, that if we live like everyone else, what fun is that? Also, more importantly how are we living for our Jesus if we are like every other, complacent, take the easy way, wide path, hidden evil, live for God when its good for you person… I believe very much, that I was not made to live normally… and neither are you! To live safely, and not take any risks… what a boring “successful” American life… 1 Corinthians – 3:11 – 15 – says that fire will test the quality of each mans work… seriously! Do we believe the Bible? Take seriously these words?! Where is your treasure going to be stored? (Matt. 6:21) Are you going to enjoy it all here, or store up the much more valuable treasures that do not ever spoil (John 6:27) and last for eternity in heaven! A much more satisfying life full of serving others and showing Jesus powerful love in radical, fun, different, unique truly being me, truly being you in life, not like everyone else but wild and free… My God calls me to live a life full of adventure, excitement, romance, love, peace, trust, a life depending on Him because I am in situations where I couldn’t make it if He didn’t come through! When you truly give God everything, your entire life, “lose it to find it” because if you seek to find it “you lose it”, you feel His love in a way that is hard to explain. Its like the perfect romance, the best Daddy you could imagine, better love than you could ever hope for, and more than you can contain… you can tell that you are unable to take it all so He is taking it easy on you. That if He were to show you how He really truly feels about you, you would die!
God is excited! Did you know He can get excited? He is excited about you trusting Him, He says thank you! I am proud of you! Thank you for trusting me and being faithful! I as your God is even more faithful and will trust YOU with my secrets, my good, good things! He has so much for you than the “American dream” than a normal life… than all that stuff you think you want… that you have seen, been told you should want… open up your mind to God, let Him love on you, show you His Holy Spirit power… and reveal to you the exciting perfect for YOU life that He created you for… God has such a perfect plan, such amazing things in each season of your life that He is just waiting for you to say “YES!!!” and be a willing living sacrifice! Doesn’t sound so exciting, but when you hear the love He has for you! You give it all…. Out of deep intimate romantic love you feel that is unlike any love you’ve ever felt… perfect love… casts out all fear! All fear to go anywhere God wants, or to do anything He tells you to do, say anything He tells you to say… live your life as a radical lover of Jesus! And radically love others the way He would if He were here, through me!!!! When I am doing what He created me to do, I am more satisfied, have more joy and happiness than doing anything else! He is so good and knows our hearts, our desires, He made them and has plans to satisfy them!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Africa time

Africa time – means anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or more later ☺ awesome
We often reply to many comments with TIA - “this is Africa” ha I think some of us forget sometimes ;)

Yesterday we took our girls to the beach – each house of people in the school (our house is 10 ladies…) get a room of girls that live here! Adopt a dorm – we got 2 rooms – 18 girls! So we take them 1 room at a time - it was so much fun! To really get more personal time with some of the kids! Usually on the base there are hundreds of kids and most of them are asking for your stuff and it gets hard to keep a soft heart when you see all the begging spirit and orphan spirit, both of which we are told not to encourage… so we try to act towards them as you would your own children. Teach them not to beg or pout, yet they have so little its hard not to just feel sorry for them! Anyways, we took our room of girls to the beach and got them a soda and candy! It was so much fun just to play and talk! To love on them and show them who they are in our God, how He loves them unconditionally!

I just tried out my theory for working out in Africa! I figured that I could use my back pack and put enough big water bottles in it to be heavy enough and use the handle to lift! It actually worked for a few things! Yay! I was able to do front raises, curls, bent over rows and upright rows! Ha ha okay for you who think I am crazy for this, I am sorry, its just part of how God made me! I love to exercise and have missed it a lot!

I am loving all the accents I am surrounded by! How the British call the kids cheeky little monkeys… how my room mates call flash lights a torch, they call candy lollies, and flip flops are either thongs or dandles…
My towels stink like wet dog, and I cant seem to change it no matter how much I soak them in soapy water and wash them by hand, then dry them on the line in the sun… I usually walk away from my laundry thinking something like well… at least maybe it’s a little better than before… or its sooo hot! That’s good enough! Ha, nice! My clothes will probably never be the same, stained with red dirt! I am so thankful now for washing machines, they are surely a gift from God way more than I knew before!
All my meals consist of rice…
The beans usually have some lil black bugs in them… I try to pick them out, but we don’t get much meat so its kinda like our protein!
If I don’t let my clothes fully dry in the sun on the line and take them in damp… the little eggs the mango flies leaves in them will hatch and get into your skin! You then have to squirt them out! A girl here has already gotten them… needless to say I let my clothes dry fully in the sun on the line!
When I leave apparently I will most likely have worms in my stomach! Just from the food we eat… they give us de-worming medication when we leave… this disturbs me a lil…
I had the best trip into town yesterday – we took a couple of the village kids with us! They were so sweet and helpful! I love pouring love into a child who doesn’t get enough other wise!!! Little Tiebu walked with me holding my hand, he would pull on it to guide me away from the giant holes in the sidewalk, the random trees, and the trucks coming at us! It was so sweet! Ha ha I realized what he was doing after a few times and was really touched… God brought to mind how gentle the boy pulled but if I noticed it was for my protection, he knew best… just how God speaks to us and guides us… not by force, but gentle and sweet, we have to want to listen, and to feel Him guiding us… we don’t have to obey, but chose to trust Him to guide me in His best for me!
My hearts desire is to mother children not my own biologically or my own color… to take them in and show them the love of our Father!
I am liking the shower situation ☺ some of you know that even back home I didn’t shower every day! Ha, here we only get about 1 minute of shower each day, so I could take super short shower every day or I can wait a few days and take a 3 minute shower! Ha so that’s what I do! Probably wash my hair every 3 or 4 days! Its amazing! Oh and around my ankles might be permanently stained a brownish red color… ha!
Oh and also, I have received tons of awesome gifts from God! Felt His presence closer and seen Him more and more… dreams, visions, pictures, through prayer and worship… and lots more! I also received the not so nice gift of bed bugs! Ha I had to re-spray my mattress and wash my sheets, it seems to be better!

God keeps reminding me through all the spiritual warfare and attacks from the devil (he hates all were doing here and all Gods doing in us!) that God is bigger, He is bigger than ALL things… God is biggest. Anything were facing, He overcame on the cross… His blood covers it ALL. Wow! That’s so powerful for me! He also keeps reminding me to place my thoughts, my mind, my heart in heaven, in a higher place spiritually! That is so helpful… I love my Jesus!
He reminds me to never question God. What He has said, what I have heard. I remain firm and strong in His will! Not shaken! I am excited to see what is next in my life! I feel like God is telling me that He will show me the next step later on… He wants this to be such a time of intimacy between me and His, so I fall in love with Him so deeply I will never fall out! He wants that secure, deepest, supreme love so that even when I am married I am never tempted to put my husband above my God! He is always so much higher than anyone I love on earth!!! This takes some time to really go deep! I feel like that is what He is doing right now and sometime before I leave He will begin to show me the next step!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Deep unto deep Green outreach!!!

On our outreach, we went to a random small village about 2 and ½ hours truck ride away… sitting in the back of a truck on the floor! When we got there we set up our tents and all, talked to and loved on some of the kids… there were so many! That night we went and set up all our sound equipment and the screen for out movie. We showed “the Jesus film” which was really long and interesting! Not really good interesting… it was translated into portugese which was obviously not the original language and so the words didn’t match the mouths at all! There was quite the mocking spirit especially among the older kids… the younger tried to take your stuff… there were drunk men that could possibly have been dangerous… a lot of witch craft influence… but Jesus was so near! We did a powerful skit where one guy was a man and Jesus came and created him… woke him up basically (this is a really common skit I know!) and then he gets distracted by evil temptations and doesn’t find satisfaction in any of them… he then reaches back for Jesus and He breaks through all the demons for his child! Its really a beautiful, simple skit! Which is perfect because some of these people haven’t heard of Jesus before so we wanna be clear and simple! Near the beginning of the movie a momma grabbed my arm and I looked over not knowing what to expect! We were packing in a dirt space and could barely move! She motioned to her daughter and to me and to the front of the seating area for the movie… I didn’t get it at first then I realized she wanted me to take her daughter to sit at the front here she could actually see! So excitedly I did! She was so sweet and layed in my lap… falling asleep after about half an hour! Then after the movie we had some great preaching and prayed for everyone! We were pretty exhausted and extremely cold and hungry by then! So we went back ate and got a little bit of sleep. The next day, to be honest I was worn out and discouraged! I prayed for more of Gods love to give more boldness, and more faith! Communication! The language barrier was really difficult… fear was also an issue because of all the unknown! We didn’t know what was safe or dangerous… a lot of the men here yell at you, grab at you and I never know what they are saying! I can only read tone of voice and that’s usually not sounding so nice ☺ I prayed God would get rid of all my fear!! I wanted so badly for all of the to know God the way I do! So intimately, as the lover of my soul… it has taken me a long time to really understand how extremely close Jesus really is! All the time, He is right there caring and loving and holding me… even when I cant tell, even when I have disobeyed, He still cares about my hurt, even when it was my own decision, my fault! Wow He is such a deep loving, good good Daddy!!! Such a lover, so near and beautiful… I cant explain in words the love I feel from Him every day… every time I think about it and open up my heart His love rushes in, in a tangable way that is so amazing…. I asked God to remove the doubt and discouragment… I felt like it was impossible to get that across to them! They are so hopeless…. So poor and clueless, so hurt and abusive to each other… I needed hope for them! I prayed and opened up my Bible… God brought me to Proverbs 22:2 –
“Rich and poor have this in common: the Lord is the maker of them all.” Wow, powerful! He pressed onto my heart how they are my brothers and sisters in Him! one of my friends here always calls all of us and other believrs… his brothers and sisters and I love that! That’s exactly the truth and gives us such a better perspective of each other! All Gods children together! I asked God to let me see them how He sees them! Then God took me to Matthew where I read tons of good verses for my day ahead! Everything from “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible!’ to “whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine you did for me…”. I went out of my tent and ended up talking with some team mates/friends during breakfast and discovered that a lot of them had been having similar feelings! The devil was attacking us with discouragement, fear and exhaustion… one person said that they addressed the mocking spirit we all felt by looking them strait in the eyes, laying a hand on them and praying, it leaves immediately! If we are bold enough and unafraid to do that! Basically look evil in the eyes and tell it to leave! It’s a powerful thing! Filled with new joy, strength and courage we went out to meet the people of the church there. The church was a small mud and stick hut that people crammed into with us. We sang and rejoiced in our God with dancing! It was so much fun! They love to dance here and it is amazing! They have dances for every song we sing! The church on the Iris base also dances all during worship and how most churches only have song leaders, these have song and dance leaders! Its awesome ☺ so we worshiped, prayed, and our team gave our names, where we were from, and if we were sing or not! Ha wow really? I am not sure why they needed to know that but I told them I am married to Jesus… because they just wanna know if your married or not! Then we gave testimonies, and one man gave money to finnish the roof which was full of giant holes… what they thought was so expensive and couldn’t afford to finish probably cost about $15 American dollars… the people there rejoiced in God so joyfully! You couldn’t expect it… torn clothes, no shoes, probably never had any, hungry… and praising God with everything in them excitedly! It is so beautiful and amazing!
I saw some of the cutest children ever… only a few were afraid of us, because they had never seen white people before!
After that we got into random groups one of the Mozambican pastors put us into very creatively! Ha! ☺ we went to all these tiny, dark, mud huts that were falling apart… and prayed our hearts out for all the sick, hurt people! It was so awesomely amazing! But my feet hurt so bad by the time we were done! Plus I really needed to use the “latrine” ha ha which is basically a nice word for the poo hole. Yep, a hole in the ground you squat over and go! One little experience I will tell about ha – I went to the latrine at night right before I went to bed, had my head lamp or “torch” as all my crazy friends from New Zealand and Australia say! it already stinks and theres bugs and people “miss” if you know what I mean… so I look down with my head light to see a giant, I mean giant roach (which I had seen crawl in earlier in the day!)crawling up the wall of the hole and other bugs too… wow nasty! It was pretty groose… that and the hair still on my pig fat/meat I was served in my rice are competing for the grossest things I experienced…
By the time we went out the second night (after all our praying around the village…) we were all dead tired, my feet were hurting! Really badly… and quite honestly I was running out of love… I know that sounds so bad! But I was running dry… and felt very guilty about it! I was begging God to come help me! I was desperate for Him, to touch me, help me, and even more to touch those village people! He in His simple way He speaks to me ☺ said for me to simply love them with His love and not mine… I am not enough! I can not do anything alone!!!! He needed to love them through me! He said to go dance with the children, sit with them and love on them. That easy. I was like well I can deffineatly do that! So I went and just started dancing with a few kids! Praising my Jesus the whole time! Gradually my little circle grew… more and more kids! Soon I was coming up with new ideas – I was getting bored so I knew that they were! – we started running one way and then the other, all holding hands in a huge circle! Then we would come in and out and then go out wide… then let go and turn around arms up praising God! It was amazing! We were all loving it, having so much fun, praising God!!! I couldn’t have don’t that if I wanted to, but God knew exactly what to do. What works with language barriers, what is safe with all the drunk men around and mocking people… it was simple and exactly right! I love when He speaks and I hear Him and listen! Ha ha because when you do what is His will, it is easy… He taught me this weekend. I can not serve Him, and do Godly works without Him… we need to do them! James 2 is pretty clear on this point! But He kept telling me to rest, to trust and to simply listen to Him… its never me anyways… I will never succeed alone! Its such a peaceful resting place to know that and rest in His love, His arms, His works… its so easy! And without that intimacy with God, and rest… missions is way too hard! Impossible really!
We showed up the second night not having a clue what we should do… the night before hadn’t gone all too well… when we got there we couldn’t get the generator to start. That runs everything for us! Makes it so they can actually hear and see us and understand…. It is vital when you have 300 to 400 people! We prayed and prayed, and the generator turned on!!! We prayed about what to say and do and God showed up! Beautifully! We ended up with some awesome testimonies from the Mozambican pastors, 2 awesome skits and some great words from some of our team! We all had such a Holy Spirit peace the entire night! There was mocking and teasing… witch craft, drunk people… yet God was so present it was amazing! You could just feel the presence! He was bigger stronger and brought healing! Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world!!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Deep unto deep

We are about to go on our first outreach for my “color group”! We got broken up into groups of about 15 of us and around 5 to 10 Mozambican Bible school student pastors! My group is Green, “Deep unto deep, green”. We put together a skit to show the depicts a man when Jesus creates him, then the devil distracts him and tempters come to bring him into sin… then when none of those satisfy he turns to reach for Jesus, and this action allows Jesus to break through the demons and save him! it’s a really powerful illistration to take to a remote village that could possibly have ever heard about Jesus before! Also possibly never seen white people before! Ha! Were going to show them the Jesus film in their language, and pray, pray, pray for them! Usually there are many miracles, signs and wonders… many, many people come to Jesus as their savior and Lord! I am so excited for this! Wow I am! We drive out pretty far, on the back of a truck ha, (I’ve heard this isn’t comfortable…) then we set up our tents and start sharing the love of our God!!! Please be praying for this time! ( we leave Thursday afternoon and come back Saturday night nice and stinky… wet wipe bathing ☺). There are some dangers in going out like this… things get stolen, there are apparently a lot of drunk men, somehow they make their own alcohol… sometimes these men don’t treat us ladies so well ☺. Prayers are so powerful and I am so thankful for you all praying so much already for my time here! God is going with me and my team! We pray for His presence all the time! We know we are protected and taken care of! He has gone before us and comes behind! There is no reason to be afraid, and I cant wait to go advance His kingdom a little bit more! Pray for boldness for me in doing this! And also that we can get around the language barriers… the Mozambican pastors will be translating and a few of us also speak Portugese or Macua which is the other language spoken a lot here.
On another note at the moment my room mates are all screaming and laughing because our toilet… lets just say isn’t very powerful when it comes to flushing poo down! Ha ha its awesome ☺ apparently there is a trick that involves using a stick to push the poo down as it flushes… we gotta figure this one out and perfect it! Ha ha ha so fun! I get to shower maybe everyday because of all the stickieness and sweat… but only to rinse off! Hair gets washed about every 3 days or more, which most of you who know me would know I love! Hahaha - The guys all bought a goat in town and are slautering it right now… I hope they actually follow through and eat it so it doesn’t stink! I kinda have a feeling they wanted to feel manly in Africa more so than had a craving for goat meat… I have met a lot of awesome people here! Almost everyone in my house is from a different country! But we all speak English to a certain degree ☺ its been interesting and tons of fun! Rolland and Heidi Baker are awesome speakers of course! Ha! And I am learning so much! About the kingdom of heaven and how to bring it here on earth! How the least of these are actually Jesus faces (Matt 25). How to stop for the one instead of being overwhelmed by the thousands! How to love the one in front of you, to see them the way God does! So so so much more! I could end up putting all my notes on here, but I wont! Ha ha!
I just finished attempting to work out here in this heat… ha! I have missed it so much and all my roomies had gone to town for food and supplies so I got a little bit in! it was pretty funny and most of you would have laughed at me! Everyone here would have! I think I am would of the only ones here who cares to workout… a few will go run with me! But my pure barre/cross fit body weight workout was a lil weird and nobody else would have wanted to join!
I miss all of you (more than working out ha) and cant wait to come back at Christmas and tell you all about the awesome stuff I am getting to do, learn, see, the serving, playing in the dirt with the kids… all of it!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Wild ride!!!!

Wow! I’ve only been here in Mozambique for about a week and a half and already God has totally wrecked me with His love! Ha and taught me so much! I don’t know what exactly to share with you all! There is so much I could tell you! He has shown me how He loves us so much it hurts! Wow, I know most of you have probably loved someone so much it hurt! Our God is that crazy about us…
He showed me in a healing time a picture of when I was really hurting, and that He was right there with me! Actually holding me and telling me it was going to be okay! Even though I know I had disobeyed Him and wasn’t fully His at that time, He still cared! He was still there, never left or gave up on me, but held me and loved on me, comforted me in my pain! He showed me the lies that I believed and the truth that He was speaking to me! That it was all for my good!
God says He loves us so much, it hurts… wow,
I guess He wants the same from me… until it doesn’t hurt anymore.
He says rest in me and I will do this, what I want…!
He has revealed His love in ways I haven’t experienced before! Just a few of my favorites so far are – a few times when I am really just soaking in His love (Heidi says if we know we are loved only then can we truly love others and not burn out in serving our Daddy, our lover God) I was so overwhelmed that He really does love me that much, in a personal way! That I was crying… and then laughing… at the same time ha ha, I am excited to let His love go deeper so it stays there steady for good! His love is better than all else…. He cares for each of us individually and knows us so deeply its crazy…
Another time was when I was worshiping with both arms lifted… praising Him with all I have, and I heard Him saying that He was reading across my wrists (my tattoos) and that it said “the Lords heart” and He was pleased with me! And that He was so happy my heart truly is His! Wow! That was kinda amazing ☺ My tattoo on my right wrist says “the Lords” which is from Isaiah 44 where he says “and they will write on their hands The Lords” and then on my left wrist I have a hears, which represents my heart, a little different looking… not normal ☺ but that He loves! I got both separately and not thinking about what they say together when I put both arms up! But God was thinking of that all along ☺
Okay my favorite time with God so far was a word spoken to me by an amazing lady named Sarah, she is Australian and she and her husbands are the directors of our school and do an awesome job! She was going around praying for us while we soak in the Lords presence and pray… and this is what God showed her when she laid her hand on me to pray! –

Wild ride –

A prophetic word given to me by Sarah Kotzur –
All written down by my awesome friend and room mate, Esther the Ausie

She saw a horse, me on a big horse, God said its going to be a wild ride!
I am a wild one! Being prepared, hold on!
King of glory riding with me double saddle.
The huge horse is the Holy Spirit.
The Father covering me with a big purple cloak…
we were in perfect union! Perfect union she kept saying!
It’s a path no one else can ride!
He said thank you for trusting me Hannah!
Huge overwhelming horse.
Jesus grabbed me by the hand and swung me up, thank you for trusting me He said! Its going to be a wild ride, hold on sweet heart!
Horse was running for a cliff, but don’t worry it has wings! He is going to teach me how to fly!
Dangerous situations are going to look like opportunities, such union that I will have a fearless mantel.
Might freak people out around me – holy awe of what God is doing with my life! Sometimes they wont understand, but will look on in awe.
Supernatural horse! White stallion.
Me behind Jesus on the Holy Spirit horse, covered in the Father!
Princess warrior! Like the princess in the Lord of the rings, princess warrior Hannah.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

A hippie at heart –

Wild and free… don’t care what anybody thinks! Free to be their real selves! Peace and love, freedom… it’s a beautiful thing! Bare foot, content with little, low maintenance…
It just seems like what “Christians” should be! free, radical for Jesus, wild for our Lord and Savior! Not caring what the world thinks – sooo many verses explain this! Although I do not have dreads (yet), or live exactly like a “hippie” I love and long to adopt their attitude, I am a hippie at heart for Jesus! I admire hippies for their ability to rest, the peace about them… the attitude that I feel Jesus would have had, peaceful, rested, yet passionate, and radical, excited for God and doing His beautiful works! Believing in the Holy Spirit, and God speaking to us through dreams! Believing for healing and miracles ☺ This is what I feel like being a hippie for Jesus looks like! So loving and accepting of others… quick to forgive and help, loving on children in great need the way Jesus did! Firey, passionate lovers of God! Peace love and freedom in Jesus ☺ their open to emotions and feeling things, their about taking a stand and being different than the so confused/frusterated cliché normal person… their open to change and being part of change… so many people are afraid to let God change us! When so often He wants to for our good! To believe in Gods power! Wow He is so much bigger than we act like He is! And Joy! Oh were called to have joy amidst our circumstance, its what makes us different!

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect. 
~ Mark Twain

It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves. 
~ Carl Jung

Your mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it's open. 
~ Jordan Maxwell

To gain that which is worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else - Bernadette Devlin 

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. 
~ James Arthur Baldwin 

If the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.
~ Terence McKenna

Just a few verses :) -

John 8:32 
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

John 8:36 
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

2 Corinthians 3:17 
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Galatians 5:1 
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Ephesians 3:12 
In him [Christ] and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

Psalm 118:5 
In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
Psalm 119:32 
I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.
Psalm 119:45 
I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.

Phil 4:12 - I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation

Eph 3:20 - Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

1 Corinthians 13 - our God is a God of love!!!

Isaiah 26:3 - You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 55:12 - You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Matthew 11: 28-30 - Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. *Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Romans 14:17-19 - For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. *Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

John 16:33 - I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

Joy, Peace, Love, Rest, Radical Jesus… not what men think – the world, but DIFFERENT

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

that crazy Holy Spirit! ha ha :)

"The rubber of faith meets the road of reality under hardship. The trueness of one's belief is revealed in pain. Genuineness and character are unveiled in misfortune." -Max Lucado

Holy Spirit...

So Ive been reading in Heidi Bakers - Compelled by Love and Always Enough, plus her father in laws book Visions Beyond the Veil. All absolutely amazing books.... bringing me to tears and making me desperate for more and more Jesus! More of my God and more of His Holy Spirit! So some people get a lil squirmy about the Holy Spirit.... about being drunk in the spirit, laughing uncontrolably, dancing before the Lord, speaking in tongues, prophesy, soaking in His pressence and being healed, laying on of hands for healing, all the amazing ways God can pour His loveon you and allow you to feel His power and pressence in His Holy Spirit! This can be scary because it is unknown! People (like Heidi Baker) have been known to be so heavily under the power, pressence and love of God that they might lie face down on the floor and not even be able to move.... in her case for days! Wow! We "normal" Americans might see this as a lil crazy! Too much, extreme, are the faking it?, maybe fabricating all of that? Why would God do that to people? Well I may have had some similar thoughts :) When I was thinking these thoughts I decided that I've been in churches that dont do any of this - the Holy Spirit is not really welcome... they want control and order so they avoid this.... well if thats how they feel He will not come. I have also experienced churches (like the ones I go to regularly) where the Holy Spirit is very welcome! We say come on God, come on Holy Spirit do whatever you want! And sometimes it might look a lil crazy! Yes sometimes this can be distracting if you watch instead of worshiping God yourself... and the Bible does talk about order in the church.... we do tend to judge others and wonder if thats really the Holy Spirit moving them or not... when really that is not our place it is Gods alone! And the Bible says that with the same measure we use to judge others, God will use to judge us... scary thought. So although sometimes I wasnt always comfortable with the Holy Spirits pressence (maybe the people wanted it so much they could have fabricated or maybe you know that person outside of church and they dont live in a way that shows Gods strong pressence in their life but at church they dance and seem to be moved by the Holy Spirit... again not our place to judge) I realized that comparing these two types of churches, I much prefer to welcome God and His Holy Spirit! The unknown isnt comfortable.... it can be scary! So search teh scriptures and see what God says about it! Ive read a lot in Heidi Bakers amazing books and seen the amazing ways God and His Holy Spirit move! Plus I also searched my Bible! -

2 Corinthians 5:6 -
"Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please Him, wether we are at home in the body or away from it." Then it talks about their work, how they speak to others perswading them about the Lord. Then verse 13 - "If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again."
Now I am not completely sure of course... but to me this looks like Paul is saying that the Holy Spirit moves powerfully! So much that you may feel away from this body or not in your right mind.... but almost like you are spending time with God and He lifts you to another place! Away from the earth and your notmal mind and body... to just be with Him and feel His great love! But that we come back to our right minds or earthly minds so that we can help others here! At first I thought the first verses were talking about being alive on earth or dieing and being away from the body and in heaven with God - but then he says that we make it our goal to please Him wether were at home in the body or away from it with God - so if we were dead would we still be trying to please Him? I think its refering to letting the Holy Spirit have His way with you, letting go of our tight grip on control and letting God love on us, heal us, and speak to us!

our lives should not make sense to unbelievers! If they do, we are not following Jesus the way He said to.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Polluted James 1:27

My Father! I love when you speak to me… sometimes I feel like I am too polluted by this world to hear you clearly and that is the worst feeling to me! I am making life too complicated, not trusting in you enough and failing to keep myself, my heart pure for YOU! I desire that childlike faith, childlike simplicity in my life and in my relationship with you! You’re my good, good daddy who loves me! I can depend on you and KNOW that you will come through for me no matter what the circumstances look like or seem to say! we have to SIMPLY chose to look at life, the situation, the trauma, the problems, the day….etc. we chose to keep Gods perspective. We do not focus on our weakness or the evil that is always present, we focus on His face, Jesus eyes! Its that simple, yet we find it so hard to do! We have to be conquerors of our own thoughts and minds! (2 Cor. 10:5) Taking those thoughts captive and taking them, even dragging them sometimes, back to Jesus! This takes practice and I will be meditating on my God and His ways such as this so that He will help me! We can be confident in our God! He is sufficient, what Jesus has already done is more than enough for all of us! And we are sustained by His love!!! We have to learn to receive that love… to just rest in it and allow Him to pour it on us and fill us up! Without being filled up we cannot give it out to others… and that’s when all kinds of our issues arise! If we are filled up people, we can be in relationships with others (all kinds from friends and family to spouse…etc.) and not be constantly looking to them to fill our needs but enjoying loving each other and giving rather than taking…! This also I am learning and asking for His help on! I have so much to learn but am so excited to hear God speaking, to me, and through others to me! Through books and sermons…. Sometimes I wake up and just know I need more God, right then to make it through the day! I realize at that start of the day moment that I have been polluted by the world and want to be completely pure so I can hear my God and feel His love! I ask Him to purify me and to love on me! I just lay there and wait for His love! He wants us to be still and remember how He is God and no one else… how I need Him, and am desperate for Him! Like Heidi Baker says – we are desperate for God and hungry for Him like the poor are for food, water, clothes and shelter… its hard for us successful, rich (compared to the rest of the world) Americans to relate to that deep hunger and desperation! Our souls, our spirits and our hearts are living off so little, yet we are distracted by our “busy” lives and our possessions… our important relationships…etc. that we don’t even realize it! When in reality none of that even matters, all that we hold so high and let distract us, pollute us, or even let make us forget about God, is so meaningless. We care too much about the present world… when we have forever to come! Forever with our maker God! That is what matters! The Bible talks so much about storing up our treasure in Heaven instead of on earth! And how it really is easier to love God rightly, obey Him, and go to Heaven if you are poor… poor in spirit, knowing that we are desperate for Him and He is all we need! Here on earth, is so temporary, while we live for eternity in Heaven with our God, I want to focus more on that, which matters, which I happen to not be able to see, than on this temporary meaningless earthly life!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Crazy Love, Compelled by Love.... Gods love!!!

I’ve been preparing for my trip and to do so I’ve been reading some great books! Some of them are required for the Harvest School and some are not! I have extra reading time at work (apparently when school starts back nobody goes to the pool!), so I’ve read Crazy Love and Heidi Bakers book Compelled by Love. Both are such amazing books, they have changed my heart and will change my life! Crazy Love speaks strongly about how Christians are really supposed to live! How we have become complacent, lazy, selfish, half-hearted followers of God. It gives lots of great verses of what Jesus really meant when He asked people to follow Him and how we can change our lives in order to store up real treasures in Heaven, where it matters! And the book by Heidi Baker talks about how to learn from children and the poor, how to have innocent beautiful faith, and to hunger and thirst for God the way we should! We are all really desperate for God deep down, in America we have so much stuff and money and distractions that we don’t even realize how hungry we are and should be for God! They get it! And we need to learn fro them :). It teaches about what real love really is! Gods love for us and how He will fill us up to overflowing so we spill out on all others! So these books are really preparing my heart, soul, and spirit for loving and serving the poor, orphans, needy, and learning more and more about my God and His love! Both of them are amazingly filled with stories and Biblical truths about LOVE! I’ve also been looking into all I’ll need to bring (apparently I am going to be especially thankful for peanut butter and toilet paper!), and all the funds I am going to need! Plane tickets are ridiculously expensive when your flying halfway across the world… no doubt its partly due to all those nasty plane meals they constantly wake you up for ever 2 hours or so… anyways I (despite the 3 jobs I’ve worked this summer to save up!) am still short and trusting God to provide because I know He is soo faithful!!! If any of you asks the Lord and feels led to send me a lil help ;) ha ha you could send a check to –
1760 N. Bass Dr. Mt.Juliet TN, 37122
And if you ask the Lord how He wants you to support me and He says pray! Spiritual warfare is soo important! I know that I am going to need so much support spiritually, and also protection from the enemy who would love to steal all that God has for me! There are a lot of sicknesses there that are common and I would love your prayers for health and healing! Ha ha there is so much! But God is so much bigger than all else that I already know He has it taken care of! I know your prayers will help fight those spiritual battles that will most definitely be taking place! I pray for all of you, for peace, rest, deep love, that Gods face will shine on you, that He will be gracious to you, that He will bless you and keep you, and pour His spirit into your heart constantly :) I love you all!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


So when I first heard about the Harvest School of missions in Mozambique I knew it would be an amazing thing to be a part of! Since then I have for one reason or another tried to write it off as not a possibility. I tried to look into other options but the Lord kept drawing me back to Mozambique… And not because it is on the beach… ha ha, its actually going to be there summer time when I am there so its going to upward of 100 degrees during the day and about 90 or more at night… with absolutely no AC at any time! Haha I am a little nervous about sleeping in the heat, seeing as when I was in Haiti we had to sleep with no AC and it was nearly impossible! If you roll to where any part of your body, like one leg touching the other, is touching any other part of your body, you sweat profusely ☺ haha, I am hopeful that the electricity will allow me to use a fan at night, but there is no guarantee of this! So it was definitely the Lord who keps brining my attention back to this school! A few of the reasons I was trying to find other options were ones like, that my closest friend when I was little is getting married, like 10 days after I leave for Africa! And my brother and his wife are having an amazing baby boy (Daniel Steven Thomas!) about 2 weeks after I leave! So I figured that because God values family and friends maybe I should stay! But then I read some verses and read some chapters in Crazy Love, that expressed to me that the most important thing to God is serving Him and His suffering people, and that it requires sacrifice on our part to obey! That we must think of the life to come more than the one were in, and storing treasures in heaven by doing Gods will, and being passionate about the things that His heart is passionate about is so much more important than anything here on this temporary earth! Then one night at Emanate (the young adult group at Grace Center church in Franklin) the teacher talked about the Hedi Baker school that I had been thinking about a lot! And about all the miracles, the healings, the people being saves and the lives being transformed! I knew I had to look more into it! Just hearing about those things got me so excited and I asked the Lord how I could be involved in His great works! And I heard “GO”…. To Mozambique…. Wow! I wanted to go so badly! Then soon after I had a dream that I told my friend I couldn’t be here for her wedding because of the school, and she said it was really okay, and even helped even out the wedding party because she had more brides maids than her man had groomsmen! But when I woke up and talked to my Mom about it I was quickly reminded how she reacted when I asked the date of her wedding earlier in the summer, and she had responded with something like… “Hannah Bates! You have to be in my wedding! You cant run off to Africa and save babies while Im getting married!” hahaha… kinda discouraging for me thinking about telling her… mean while I apply for the school and get accepted! I’ve been working 3 jobs all summer to save up for whatever God had for me next (unfortunately some of this $ had unexpected destinations due to surprises like needing my wisdom teeth removed!). Apparently I wasn’t trusting my God enough to believe in how He gives us dreams for a reason and speaks through them often! I was nervous about telling my friend because I didn’t want to disappoint her! I kept facebooking her, texting her and such saying we should get to gether soon, and I was planning on telling her then… well we are both very busy girls and it didn’t workout for about a month! Finally God got my attention in a dream that basically said if I didn’t get on stuff (telling my friend, confirming with the school… getting my flight scheduled!) then I was going to miss all that He has for me this fall at the school! So realizing this I started calling my friend, and getting things together for my trip! I also asked Him if I was ready for this spiritually, and how I want to know and utilize my spiritual gifts more for His kingdom! He clearly told me that in Mozambique I will learn more about and how to use my spiritual gifts, another tid bit – my Mom has always felt the Lord telling her that prophesy was something God is going to use me for! Sooo…. Next I leave my friend a message telling her to call me soon! The next day I call her again….etc. I’m finally getting ready to leave her a voice mail saying something like, hey I’m going to Africa instead of being in your wedding! Okay bye! Hahaha to my Moms extreme disapproval… I didn’t do that yet ☺. Later that night while I was just getting to sleep… my phone rings! I roll over and see her name… I think…. Well should I answer it?! Im not really in the best of sorts for this kind of conversation! Plus I didn’t have the note I had written to help me say the right things instead of whatever absurd things came to mind! Hahaha, but I felt the Lords peace, and Him saying just answer and I’ll help you… so I did! She led me right into it by saying that she had been soo busy, doing things that she had wanted to do, and that at our age it’s the best time to do these things in our hearts! Haha I was like well yeah! And started telling her about the school… then I told her when it was! Silence for a second… scared Hannah… then overwhelming support from her! Excited for me and telling me that she felt its what God had for me and that she knew I would go back to Africa sometime! Then (the kicker) she says that she was already 2 up on her hubby to be in brides maids so it evens things out! Wow God! Just like you said in my dream…. Huh, turns out God knows what He’s talking about and I should trust Him! hahaha… as many times as He has taught me this, I still need reminding! Then at church a couple days later a friend comes up to ask about my trip to Africa… and says that she really thinks God is going to use my time there to bring out more prphicy in me! Wow! Confirmation couldn’t be stronger ☺. Also the Lord has spoken to me about some healing I need, and made me feel like I would receive more of that in Mozambique, then a friend of mine who has met Heidi Baker tells me that the love of God is so strong in her that when your around her the perfecting, HEALING love of God just exudes and healing simply happens! Wow…. Neadless to say I am very excited about this trip that God has planned for me! And how He has confirmed His will that I go and be changed!

Friday, August 6, 2010


I have been accepted to Heidi Bakers Harvest school of missions in Mozambique Africa! And I am thrilled! This will be such an awesome learning experience... preperation for my future, and streatching of me spiritually! I will be taking classes and learning a whole lot, as well as involved in helping with the orphanage and school Iris Ministries has there! I will be leaving on October 17th hopefully and return around December 21st! I could really use all the prayers of my friends and family that I earn/raise enough money to go! And to come back! haha the plane tickets will be expensive! The actual cost of teh school is only about 2,500 and that covers my food, place to live/sleep, and all the classes for 3 months! But the air fare is going to be about 1,500! So please join me in prayer askin gfor the Lords help to raise all of this money! Also please pray with me for preperation spiritually! That my faith would grow bigger and stronger as I get ready to go and do as He has called me to! I am so excited to go and serve those people! To do exactly what the Bible tells me to do which I have out lined in verses in a lot of my previous blogs! I have reciently through talking about the Lord and the passions he has given, with Joshua, discovered a little bit of why I love it so much.... I love when the Lord relveals to you things about yourself you didnt realize before! And when He uses ithers in your life to do that! Ahhhh its just amazing! So we were talking about the secret things of God the Bible talks about... the things we have to search and seek out about Him and His kingdome, and even ourselves, that He only shows us when we really look deeper into Him! And I was saying how I believe that the desire to serve others and help those who need it so desperately is such a huge part of Gods heart and how He repeatedly tells us to do this in His word! So I think that when people have that desire, it means they are seeking God and He has shown Him a part of His heart for the poor, orphans, and all those people in such distress! Then we talked about how some people might do it just for the good feeling, or the look of it, or because their family does... instead of the true deep calling and drive from their relationship with the Lord our God! And then we discussed how we all have different callings, different strengths and weaknesses.... different paterns/tendancies of our flesh, I know that one of my fleshly tendancies/weaknesses is selfishness... I know that a lot of people struggle with this also, but I have known this about myself and been fighting it and asking the Lord to change my heart there! Then it hit me! - (God spoke!) saying that, that is the reason! Thats part of why I love so much and am so satisfied when I serve others and treat them as more important than myself... help them! Because it is exactly the opposite of my flesh! My sinful nature says "its all about me" so when I go directly against that and serve others as better than me and love them as I do myself it is sooo right.... its what God is telling me to do, to oppose my sinful selfishness....! :) so that made me really happy and still is! Because thats exactly what I want to always be doing - fighting my sinful, fleshly nature - to serve my God better and glorify the beautiful name of - JESUS!

Saturday, July 24, 2010


Life is simply beautiful even when its hard - you know its a season of fighting the enemy... because you KNOW Gods in control - no matter what happens... its part of living... and the hard times produce good... If your heart is in a higher place with God you trust, have peace, rest, and even joy... circumstances dont overcome you because God says your an overcomer! And when you believe Him - feel His divine love - you cant help but have faith that moves mountains - and the hard times arent so bad... God speaks to us through our dreams in the night and not always are they good... but somehow always beautiful because He said it! And He is in control.... it comes down to faith. And taking that posture of receiving His love... letting Him pour it out over us... soo good, were soo in love we say "okay God"... "Change whatever you want... take it, move it..." he wont relent until He has it all..... give Him your heart! Fresh springs of new growth! Renewal Holy Spirit!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Loved by the King!!! AMAZING

Security, peace, confidence, and rest… in who you are, not worrying about what others think… but not so much in who you are, but in KNOWING that you’re His! Such a better feeling/way to live life! FREE! I at times will get caught up in life ☺ and sometimes it gets hard, frustrating, because there is a very real devil fighting HARD against you and the ones you love! I hate him so much! I get “righteously angry” at the things he does to both me and those around me, it hurts me to see the deception, the believed lies… and no matter how much I get caught up, busy, start to worry… He pulls me back into His arms, so lovingly, and I go oh yeah…. This is all that really matters… this is what’s real, and naught else matters… such relief! Living simply, resting in Him, not worrying, these are things I fight for, and need to get better at! I tend to take things in my hands and worry about them because they seem “impossible” or too hard… in Romans 4 it talks about Abraham, how it was credited to him as RIGHTEOUSNESS just because he believed God, took Him at His word and trusted He would do as He promised! I long for this kind of faith! To simply believe God! KNOW that nothing it impossible or too hard for Him! Those verses – “Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations… Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead… Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness – for us who believe in him who raised Jesus from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.” Romans 4:18 – 25

I am loved by the King!!! I want to know His love more, His Holy Spirit more and more, more God! Release the fullness!

In Joshua chapters 2 and 6 Rahab the prostitute is spoken of… in chapter 2 she helps the Israelite spies hide because she knows that God had given them the land, she talked about how she knew that their God is the only true God, who created heaven and earth… wow, and she and her family are the only ones spared from Jericho. It continually calls her Rahab the prostitute, and it says that she lives among the Israelites forever after that. Goes to show, that we cannot judge, by outward appearances, or occupation, or anything else we think that we can! God is the only real judge of the heart and we cannot know. The more we try to be God, and judge others the more we are going to be judged. She knew God, she did what was right, and she prospered for it. Who can we be to say that God won’t use someone who was a prostitute?! He wants to use all people, He loves them all as His children, and He knows each of our deepest hearts… being a prostitute wasn’t His best for her, but He still loved her, her heart was still tender to Him, and He saved her! How beautiful that is!

“He did this (dried up the river for the Israelites to cross) so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God.” Joshua 4:24

I am seeking the fear of my God… to fear Him rightly…

Life is hard. We have a very present flesh, world, and devil attacking us in our every moment. We have to constantly be fighting, but in HIS strength we can do it. We can live on earth, but FOR Him! It is not easy, but He gives us soooo much joy and peace, fills us with His Holy Spirit and His amazing love when we seek His strength to live this hard life His way!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Just a few thoughts, questions :)

What if we were all who He calls us to be? What if we weren’t afraid? What if we weren’t selfish? What if we really trusted God? What if we were patient? What if we listened for Gods voice and obeyed?
What if we let our personalities be brought to the fullest to be used by God?! The ways that we are different, all be used and made beautiful!!! If we gave up our will and truly wanted His, what would he have us doing?! What amazing, beautiful people would there be, with all our different gifts, personalities, and differences… how would He use us if we let Him? what amazing adventures would we be on?! What difficult situations, and hurtful life problems would we have avoided? Who would we be….? I imagine all the amazing people I know, and then wonder if were doing exactly what He created us to do. Or if somewhere along the way we have gotten distracted, busy, in our own plans, our own will instead of really seeking His! What amazing things we would be doing! How we would be helping others! Saving the lost, comforting the hurting, parenting the orphans, working for His kingdom, storing our treasures in heaven where they do not spoil, harvesting in that ripe field God so desperately longs for harvesters, giving to the poor, and loving the “un-lovable”. Who has God created you to be? What gifts had He given you? What are the skills and life experiences He’s given you and would want you to be using for His glory?!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

We live in an upside down world, that is all we know, we have to think past that!!!

"There is coming a day when this upside down world will be turned right side up."

First will be last, and last will be first. Weak will be strong and the strong will be weak. Lose your life to find it, find your life and lose it. Treasures stored on earth will be lost, and treasures stored in heaven will be gained. Rich will be poor, and poor rich. What is highly valued among men is detestible in Gods sight (Luke 16:15). Blessed are those who hunger now, for they will be satisfied, blessed are those who weep now for they will laugh. Rejoice when you are persecuted… those who are well fed now will go hungry, those who receive their comfort now will mourn (Luke 6:20-26)….. so on and so on the opposition of heaven and earth are compared in the Bible… Jesus is warning us! He is saying that if we hoard our wealth here, and do not obey Him (give generously, help the poor, orphans, widows, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, provide shelter, spend ourselves on behalf of the oppressed, hurting…) we will not receive His good riches in heaven! Where your treasure is there your heart will be also! We cannot serve two masters! Which do we chose? Our money, comforts, an easy life here living selfishly for ourselves and our family’s… or to give it all for His purposes and help others (Mathew 25:31-46, 2 Cor. 6:3-10)! Let our bodies be used as instruments of righteousness for His kingdom sake (Romans 6:13)! Its not easiest, but it IS what He calls us to do, its an exciting adventure and we are not truly His people if we do not do what He says – James 2 says that faith without deeds is dead, I show you my faith by what I DO!!! Do we believe the Bible? That when Jesus says that He knows what we need, and if we seek first His kingdom that all else will be given to us! Do we believe that He cares for us, and will be faithful to provide?! Do we trust Him? How much healthier lives would we live if we did not worry? The Bible tells us that there is no need to!!! (Luke 11:41-42)If we truly trusted Him, we would be a peace, we would always be resting in His strength, in His grace that is sufficient for us (2Cor. 12:9)! Do we believe this?!!! I tried not to put in too many verses because these are soo good! Please look them up and read the powerful things Jesus said, that somehow we have found so easy to ignore for so long… the 30,000 children that die each and every day from starvation and preventable diseases aren’t right infront of our faces, they are not on our TV’s and so we ignore their cries! They are weak, powerless, and easily forgotten about…. This makes my heart ache, pound, and wrench in my chest! All those helpless lives! That God longs for us to save, to bring to Him… to love on, to take care of!!! We truly must start acting if we call ourselves believers and followers of Jesus… just read Matthew 9:37, 10:6-9, 10:16-23, 10:26, and 10:28-30 – this is a really good one! Basically read all of chapter 10 – its so obvious… if we take it seriously – the words of Jesus as truth, how can we continue living the way we do…. We have to act, do, change! Jesus was wild, and He did the work of His Father! We are called to do this work too ☺. Yes we are all called in different ways, in different places at different times…. Scripture makes this clear too… but after reading these verses I must admit that He is calling ALL of us to do something! To in some way act to help and serve others – to die to ourselves and give up ALL for Him, we are not our own, but His possession (1Cor. 6:19-20)! He bought us with His life! Now we are as if we are dead men walking… if we live in Jesus salvation, it is as if we are dead and He now lives in us instead! If we are basically dead, how then should we be afraid? Afraid of our earthly bodies dieing… we should not be! – Matthew 10:28-31!!! He requires supreme love and EVERYTHING we have.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Haiti - week 2 :)

“Offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.” Romans 6:13
as I read these words my heart was congruent with them!!! I desire to and hopefully am doing just this! To think of my body as an “instrument of righteousness” to be used by God any way He chooses!!! Wow! “Obedience which leads to righteousness” Romans 6 verse 16, so powerful to be obedient to Him!
Job 29 –
Verse 11 – 17
Whoever heard me spoke well of me, and those who saw me commended me, because I rescued the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to assist him. The man who was dieing blessed me; I made the widows heart sing. I put on righteousness as my clothing; justice was my robe and my turban. I was eyes to the blind, and feet to the lame. I was a father to the needy; I took up the case of the stranger. I broke the fangs of the wicked and snatched the victims from their teeth….(verse 25) I was like one who comforts mourners.

Romans 4:17
“the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.”
Wow, powerful things to take to heart from our Lord! I am pressed to obey the one whos possession I truly am!

We are seeing lots of quicker than normal healings, lots of doctors here who say so! God is touching, healing bodies and hearts! Thanks for all the prayers! Danita’s is truly a beacon of light to Haiti!

When I hold Jean (the boy with cerebral palsy) I cant help but minister to him the whole time (someone has to always be with him)... feel myself being poured out over him, asking the Holy Spirit to come! For God to love on him, and to heal him... body, mind, soul, and spirit! Praying for him constantly, and ask for good to come to him, his life... what do You want to do here God??? He is not able to do anything for himself… what is the point of his life (as awful as that sounds). Please pray that he is miraculously healed, and would get better at least to the point where he could walk using a walker…etc.

I have grown to love the boys here… my heart has connected with theirs and will hurt when I leave… sometimes I miss home soo much, but at the very same time I know I am going to miss these children so badly when I am back!

The most hopeless situation I have seen would be this lovely girl… her brain has fluid that has swelled her skull (before it has fully formed and hardened). There is pressure put on her brain by this and also it is very heavy! These children don’t usually make it very long… this will only improve due to a MIRICLE – “What is impossible with men is possible with God.” Luke 18:27

At one point (before we had sorted and found all the new much needed supplies) a little girl got her hair washed with laundry detergent… haha and I have seen several bathings with dish soap… haha so funny what is not necessary or needed when you have to just make due, because you have to!

I want ANYTHING to eat BUT rice and beans!!! Anything LESS heavy! haha

The Lord is teaching me the importance of a Sabbath! Eventually as I am sure all missionary's (not that I am calling myself a missionary... ha) find, you hit a sort of wall... you cant stand to be hot, sweaty, hair pulled, body touched (just wanting love, and snuggling... but in 100 degree weather!!!), trying to take your stuff (watch, sun glasses...etc. they don’t know better) but as much as you love them and love our Lord, you can only take so much without a break... going strait from the Africa trip to this one, and being here with these kids day in and day out for 2 weeks... I need a break! Hahahaha. God created a Sabbath day for a reason! There is such a purpose for it! Ha even God needed a day to rest, how dare any of us think that we could go without at least the same! – “For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the Lord. Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death. The Israelites are to observe the Sabbath, celebrating it for the generations to come as a lasting covenant… for in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, and on the seventh day he abstained from work and rested.” Exodus 31:15 – 18… so as you can see God is pretty serious about rest! Hahaha ☺

Apparently all of the my fly away's (wild hair's!) need to be braided, very tightly... ouch...

I have now also learned to stay "don’t do that, now!" haha, yes it isn’t exactly perfect grammar/doesn’t make perfect sense but was much needed! It has been wild here lately, with all the children from different places... so many! When I sit, I sometimes just feel overwhelmed, Closter phobic even with all the children swarming around! So much need for love, attention, affection... they all want to touch, my hand, arm, face, hair...etc. lay on me pull on me...etc. What do they need Lord? There comes a time where that has to be asked... as a short term volunteer you don’t have to really worry about it. But I see that after 2 weeks here, they need more order, structure, organization, obedience, discipline...etc. they do need more people to help, but not just to spoil the children, love YES! But do whats best for them, their future also! There cant be total chaos all the time... they have to learn... we have to grow them up correctly to send out as adults educated, loving their Lord strong and steadfast to go do great things!!!

Marie Joy’s story – She showed up to us a sad sweet looking lil girl! She is about two maybe a lil younger… but she is pretty tiny, probably party due to malnutrition. We don’t know much about the children as they show up, but we do know that she had at least a mom, who was cooking, holding her when the quakes happened, now lil Marie Joy has a completely burned left arm and a burn spot on her head as well. They are third degree burns and are very painful when we change her bandage. She has a HUGE appetite! She ate a good bit of food, then one of the boys started giving her orange fanta… at first I wasn’t sure how good an idea this was! But then we saw just a lil smile! Hadn’t seen one of those yet! So we continued with the sweet magical drink… then when it was gone he gave her the cup of ice which she played with and proceeded to spill… and LAUGH! Haha I thought it was ironic that her name was Maria JOY, but then we saw the joy in her! Which was brought out with a little of Jesus’ love poured through us… and orange fanta…. Hahahaha ☺ Later we changed a dirty diaper, took a nap, and played with a new rattle, which is when I found out exactly what a typical toddler she is! Cried for the changing (just like the kids at the day care I worked for!), was difficult to get to sleep (curious, yet exhausted!), and had quite the little attitude about someone trying to touch her newfound toy! Sassy lil sweetheart! Opens her mouth super wide to eat, no worries about getting food on HER face! Prayers please for her tiny arm which is covered in those third degree burns…

There are LOTS of donated clothes, shoes and such… which is such a blessing to this orphanage! But also takes a lot of sorting and organizing in order for the goods to useful at all… Random thoughts during this process – is there at all a standard sizing in the industry of clothes making? What are people thinking that send stuff to these kids?? (God bless them for trying…) we got lacy… see through things… haha, worn out things that even poor Haitians wouldn’t wear, only one out of the once pair of shoes… thank you very much! Haha - “I’m not scared of the mouse… it just surprised me” (when it jumped out of that pile of shoes…!) hahaha

I have a Haitian boyfriend named Johnson – he is about 6 years old… he is adorable!

Convicted how I am able to pour out – serve here with all of me! I give all of me… but am sooo selfish in the states…
There are people who need help there! I love to help/serve people… do what they need, I can do that there too! Or go and offer my help/skill somewhere else for periods, seasons…etc. what is Gods plan? I realize that I am home sick… I want to be back there with my family and friends, I love having them around me, I want a husband someday, I want children, I want my own place – do be independent… be also to help! to serve, do Gods will and obey what He says to do… what skills, passions, deeper loves have you given me to go and help, to serve with… what am I needed for? How can I be You to them best??

My feet are permanently stained

Even I get bug bights in Haiti!!! A lot.....

Im prob. permanently dehydrated,

Awesomest inventions ever –
Gatorade packets in cold water
Bug spray

I can see the women here… brought here by God, who moved in their hearts with deepest love for these fatherless children! Orphans in their “distress” as James 1:27 tells us. And now they are serving them in such great ways! Yet some days they get so busy, doing “administrative” things to be sure that the children get fed, clothed, medical help…etc. taking care of all their needs! In this process sometimes they don’t get the chance to spend quality time with them, just sitting and talking, loving on with hugs and kisses…etc.! how sad to me! I could not do it that way! I would have to always be able to love on them constantly or I would probably quit! Haha this is probably my immaturity in this… but please pray for these amazing strong women who run this beautiful place!

I’m pretty sure that when I have kids their goin to bed about 7:30… hahaha thats the time every day here that I start thinking “shouldn’t they all go to sleep now!” Cause I’m so exhausted from the loooong days here ☺

When I said goodnight to those boys… getting a hug from “Peter”, and then having my little “boyfriend” Johnson come to hug me and say goodnight, sweet dreams… and the other boys playing guitar, and yet another running out of the room saying he cant give me a hug because he somehow split his pants… my heart is moved deeply, swiftly, and far… I can imagine doing this every night, as if they were my own boys… God has a plan, weather it be for me to adopt a bunch and live in America, or move and have an orphanage… He moves in seasons in our lives and I am excitedly awaiting the next one that is just beginning…

I love you all,
Mommy Hannah ☺