Thursday, January 14, 2010

Back from Africa... and forever changed is too obvious a statement...
Basically I have way too much to put on here! But no one would read it all in a row!
So here is a journal type entry from my trip, that is readable in less than an hour... ha, ha
God moved swiftly in my heart, and I'll put more up later :)

Today we fed and loved on the karamajong people, they have a small village, and are the deepest outcasts, the poorest of the poor… the children were so many! Just running around, hugging on us… sooo desperate for love! Yet fighting with each other… over holding my hands… or being held, or places in line…etc. They just seemed so hopeless! Like they had no real reason to even have any hope… the little girls wore the oldest, ragged dresses I have ever seen! With holes and tears in what strangely seem like they were really nice dresses at some point, a looong time ago. The older kids here seemed very hard, cold, and bitter/almost cynical about us being there, like you would imagine street kids, who do whatever it takes to live! To survive, by doing things like stealing … this was sad because that is so hard to break through! And then they wouldn’t want us holding their little siblings even though some of them were mistreating them. some times I would see a big sister or brother taking care of the babies, sweetly, but sometimes they would have them on their backs in a cloth… sometimes sleeping… and when they would start to slip they would jerk leaning forward to pull them back up, but throwing the baby around… it hurt my heart to see these tiny ones crying… they didn’t understand! Why was life so bad so early? I don’t understand… such sweet, pure innocent lives, destined to be cold, hard, defensive, hurting, underfeed, under-loved people… I held one baby boy… for a long time, and fell entirely in love. I have never loved so deeply to fast! I wanted to keep him so bad, if I could I would have adopted him… apparently these children had parents, just were very poor. He snuggled in close to my body and had such a sad little expression on his face… I held him, not caring that my arms were going numb (or that he was dirty, snotty, and mostly naked)… after just a little bit he fell asleep in my arms, soooo sweeeet! One of the saddest things I have had to do was give him back… and see how they treated him… slung him around and let his little shirt (all he had) come up and expose his nakedness, where as I had kept his shirt tucked down under him like a onesey… I didn’t care for a second that he very likely could pee or even poop on me, or the snot and dirt that was getting all over my white (stupid decision!) shirt. That he was so comfortable, felt safe, and at peace with me to sleep in my arms fully trusting me and preferring me over all those he knew so well…. Broke my heart into a million pieces. Tears were deffininately shed as we loaded onto the bus and I felt as if I were leaving my heart behind… therefore there is now a hole punched in my chest. God can give my heart to whomever He wishes… and He keeps breaking it for what breaks His… and giving it away over and over again…

No comments:

Post a Comment