Sunday, December 6, 2009
I cancelled my membership to sun tan city today. Sounds ridiculously not important, I know. Ha ha, but I see it as a small example of how God is changing me. He has been at work for a long time, but recently He has allowed me to be so aware of it! “The things that used to matter don’t matter now.” – Bill Johnson – paraphrased by Hannah. My ummm… preoccupation with tanning began when I was about 15 and I have never really thought much of it. I have felt the conviction to stop before but was very good at ignoring it. Today my Father God brought it to my attention with a simple “why are you doing that?” and I realized it was not to glorify Him. I then thought of why I ever cared about being tan… and realized that it was something the enemy rooted way back. When I was 15 I recall a certain boy…. That I liked… telling some of my friends that he might like me except that I was too pale so he didn’t. Naturally my girlfriends told me and ever since then I have believed that I am not attractive unless I a tan. This is something I have recently learned would be called an ungodly belief of mine… a lie I believed from the devil. So however funny this all is… ha ha it is an example of the way God moves! He has also been moving my heart to be more tender, soft, and almost weak towards children in need… and other injustices. I have been exposed to stories and the reality of the lives and need of the children in Africa… and cried more than I ever would have expected over this! Also touching me deeper, a burdening in my heart to intercede and pray for the needs of my friends and against the attacks of the enemy in their lives! That I have authority to fight him because of what Jesus did for me! At the same time as this softening, I feel a strengthening from my Father in my heart against the things of this world, that the enemy uses to attack me. A strange strength where I am able to trust him greater. “Trust is faith in action” – Chester Carney. When I am in a very uncertain time in my life… full of change and things I would worry about… I hear Him say ”Everything is going to be okay, Hannah.” And I know that it is. He is taking care of me! I get to let Him provide for me and love on me in such ways I don’t understand. Where little things that I wouldn’t think would matter to him, prayers I didn’t even utter because of their unimportance. He answers… because he cares about what I care about. I received an e-mail about ordering an t-shirt that says 147 million orphans on the front, and I wanted one so bad. I was still struggling to find ways to raise funds for my trip and saving my money so I decided that I shouldn’t spend money on one. A few nights ago at my trip meeting one of the girls had an extra one she didn’t need! I asked how much it cost so I could buy it from her and she said it came free because of how many she ordered so she would just give it to me… wow. He wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but only when we have to character to contain it – not if it is going to lead us away from him! I understand that I am not ready for all the blessings He has to give me, but that He is preparing me, and His timing is perfect!